..every side and face..

..ang plastik ko... kinumusta ko pa sya. pero deep inside, sabi ko, "sana makarma ka."

..it was so unfair. i felt betrayed. but i know, partly, it's also my fault. i've been so trusting. i've been so dumb. and this is the consequence of my actions. bloody hell!!!

..pero ayun, unfair paren. ano'ng consequence ng actions nya? a beautiful and equally stupid girlfriend. does he deserve her? and vice versa? parehas silang nang-hurt ng feelings ng iba. and unfortunately, ako yung isa sa mga nasaktan. yun nga lang, late yung reaction ko kasi ngayon ko lang 'to nalaman.

..and worse, ngayon ko nga lang 'to nalaman. it was so... argghh! infuriating talaga. well, it's the story. the numb met the dumb. and they lived happily(?).. i dunno. it's THEIR story.

..and all this time, akala ko ganun lang talaga ang buhay. relationships are transitory. they all fade in time. but one thing i didn't know before: that there's this one factor that contributes to the fading of a relationship. that relationships don't fade without a reason. and in our case, her name is F... franchesca? fiona? farah? i forgot her name. and i don't care that i forgot. coz basically, i don't care about her name at all. not at all.

..but it's his name i care about. and because i care, i won't tell his name to you. i won't tell you how many times i've written his name at the back of my notebook whenever i get sucked up in oblivion. i won't tell you how many times my brother heard me calling his name in my sleep. i won't tell you how many fucking times i got emotionally driven by his nonsense phonecalls. i won't tell you how many times i went crying crazily, dramatically, unnaturally, and weirdly enough for my friends to call me "insane over him."

..yet, after all of the drama of being heartbroken, and after i've finally moved on, those bitchy words came right in front of me, blazing in my monitor, screaming at me. fuck this!

..he's a total charmer. and rhyming with it, he's a two-timer. that's cool. much much cool. he has always known that he can get away with his good looks. and yeah, he got away with it. and i felt so fucked up!

..at kamusta naman yun? i don't know if he knows that i already knew what he did. i don't know if he knows that i'm so fucking mad at him. well, probably, he doesn't know. he doesn't know about anything i'm saying right now. he doesn't know and he doesn't care. ouch!

..i wish i wouldn't care too. i wish i wouldn't care so much.
..but as of now, i know wishes are only wishes and nothing more.

..hell, it's hell.

nandito na naman ako.. magkukwento ulit ng tungkol sa buhay ko. dati, masaya ako pag meron akong bagong ipo-post sa blog na 'to. pero ngayon, ewan ko ba! haha! hindi naman kasi masaya yung nangyari.. hay! ano ba, gigay? common sense naman..

actually, wala ako sa mood magkwento ngayon. hehe! pero inisip ko, baka sakaling mabasa nya 'to..so, go on. i'm taking the risk. sige, ayos lang na mabasa nyo..

i and someone got a problem.. misunderstanding lang naman yun eh! pero it struck me kasi this is the first time that we fight over something. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pa yata yung mas guilty although i'm saying over a hundred times that i'm not the one to blame. i know it's just a simple problem that can be solved in a peaceful conversation. pero paano? we just talk over the phone and through text.. i don't think it's wise to make up over that stupid kind of communication. hindi ko alam kung kelan kami magkikita.. at kung paano kami magkakabati. it's scaring me. do i have to make the first move? but it's not my fault anyway.. i'm now torn up between my two sides fighting all the way through. for now, i can't do something. pero i know, maaayos din ang lahat..hay!

naalala ko tuloy yung childhood days ko. lagi kaming nag-aaway nung mga kalaro ko nun. minsan, nagkasabunutan pa kami ng bestfriend ko nang dahil lang sa chinese garter.. hehe! "wala..madaya ka.. sabi ko, walang kaling hanggang hips. dapat out ka na!" sabi ko na may pagka-bossy pa nun. sabi naman ng bestfriend ko, "kelan mo yun sinabi? gusto mo lang makatira kagad eh! ikaw nga dyan yung madaya." ayun, nagkagalit-galit kami.. pero after an hour lang, bati na ulit kami. tapos, naalala ko pa yung time na nagpicnic kami ng mga ka-tropa ko. sumama samin yung isang bata na sobrang takaw.. tapos, ang ginawa ko, hindi ko sya pinakain ng mga snacks namin. ayun, umiyak sya. then, after some time, naawa naman ako. kaya nagkabati narin kami. meron pa! nung naglalaro naman kami ng taguang-tsinelas, napagtripan kong kunin yung tsinelas ng kalaro ko tapos nilagay ko sa basurahan para hindi makita. inabot na sya ng gabi sa paghahanap nun.. binigay ko rin naman tsaka samin ko na sya pinakain kasi napagod sya ng husto..

ganyan mag-away ang mga bata. away-bati, away-bati. nagtutuksuhan, nag-iirapan, kampi-kampihan.. pero sa huli, sila parin ang magkakaibigan. yan ang mga bata eh! madaling magpatawad.. madaling makalimot.. madaling makipag-ayos at madaling makipagbati.

sana ganyan nalang din kami mag-away noh? yung sandali lang, ayos na ang lahat.. yung wala nang aalalahanin at iintindihin.. yung wala nang iisiping problema. alam ko namang hindi na kami bata eh.. hay naku!!

sana lang maayos na 'to,

whenever i see couples walking down the street
can't help myself but curse at my seat
i always say it's your fault by the way
then i start to blame you and it goes on all day

whenever i hear our favorite song on the radio
or see someone strum the guitar or play the piano
outrage is shaking myself inside
from all the pains, i know i cannot hide

whenever i feel raindrops falling down my face
i begin to cry, just stand there in place
many times, i mourn, and sob, then sigh
can't forget you, no matter how hard i try

'cause it always seems that everything i see
reminds me of you, i cannot flee
and brings me back just another step closer
to this relationship that i wanted to be over

>>> this poem is for my friend who is suffering from a heartbreak just recently... i know it's hard for you. but time heals every wound.. you'll see, it won't even leave a mark... cheer up gal... ^^

>>> for those affected by this poem, move on!!! if you don't know how, ask me... LOLZ!