i saw a couple a while ago. they're sharing breakfast with each other. then i thought, what's in it for them as well as for me? what's the worth of being slaves of a coward master called love? we are just pawns waiting to be sacrificed, waiting to be eaten by the cold daunting darkness. we are just puppets of a game. and it's always just a game.
here, i'm always at the losing end. i have to spend moments of torment thinking why the hell am i always the loser. just again, i wonder what's in it for me. i complain. i remain in pain. but i never cease to be the sacrifice. at my own will, i continue loving. and getting hurt in consequence.
so i'm just being bitter, am i not? the pain is actually the worth of it, the thought that i'm different from the rest because all i could do is look at the silhouette of that someone i love. he's far away from me. and i have to take all the heartaches to be worth someone for him. cause i'm already enslaved. i'm already in the game. i already have a pair. i just have to prove myself that i deserve him.
then i saw another couple a while ago, holding hands...
Labels: love
i've already traveled a long way in my life where i found a meaningful path full of lessons and colorful with experiences. now, when i look up, i see the blue sky which reminds me of the peacefulness and serenity of my journey. when i look back, i see the neon lights that make me remember the happiness and fun i experienced in the past. when i look around, i see the green pastures that tell me God is my shepherd who leads my way. when i look ahead, i see the white clouds signifying my unpredictable future. finally, when i look inside, i see the red blaze in my heart, the burning desire to learn, the flaming love i have for everyone special, and the everlasting love God has for me.
i know it's not getting better. i am not okay. i don't know if you are.
perhaps, i'm getting a little more indifferent about you. about us. i refuse to load credits on my cellphone because i'm not in the mood to talk to you. and well, i just realized that my phone doesn't serve any other purpose but to text you. anyway, i don't really know why i lost all the interest to stay in touch. i don't mean to seem unfeeling. i still care, but not like how i used to before. i still miss you, but not too much. worst, i'm not longing to be with you anymore. i was thinking that we're better off like this. we don't have the chemistry together. we just don't go well with each other. at least, that's what i think.
i'm beginning to doubt if i still love you. i'm sorry. i'm trying to escape the problem. i know it's my fault. i just can't deal with it yet. i'm not ignoring you. i can't. but i really need some space. to breathe. and i need some time. to think.