..every side and face..

heto na naman tayo, nagkukwentuhan tungko lsa lagat ng bagay. inaantok ka na pero nagtityaga ka paring kausapin ako. hindi ko alam kung bakit laging sakto ang mga tawag mo. siguro, nasesense mong kailangan kita. lagi mo nalang akong napapatawa. ang bangag kasi nating mag-usap eh. parang tanga lang.

hayan ka na naman, nakikinig sa mga kwento kong paulit-ulit naman. alam kong nauumay ka na dahil puro lovelife ang kinukwento ko. palagi kasing iyon ang problema ko. pero di ka parin nagsasawang makinig sa mga himutok ng puso ko.

pag kasama kita, parang ang dali lang ng buhay. beer at kwentuhan lang ang katapat ng lahat ng problema. kung ikaw sana ang minahal ko, edi solve na ang lovelife ko. hindi ko na sana iniiyakan ngayon ang mabisyo kong boyfriend. ay teka, mabisyo ka nga din pala! haha!

anyway, kahit mabisyo ka, mas naiintindihan mo naman ako. lagi mong tinatanong kung okaii lang ako kasi alam mong hindi. tapos, lagi ka lang to the rescue sa emotera mong friend - ako syempre. hindi ko nga alam kung nahihirapan ka na sakin eh. ako na hindi na nawalan ng problema. ako na reklamador. ako na iyakin.

salamat kasi hanggang ngayon, nandyan ka parin. sana lang wag kang magsawang patawanin ako. sa panahong ito, ikaw ang closest friend ko. pag nawala ka pa, aba, mawawala ang kabangagan ko. haha!

tulad kanina, napahalkhak na naman ako dahil sa yo. lol. masaya na ako kahit papano. kahit badtrip na naman ako dahil sa boyfriend kong mabisyo. hay! pasensya ka na, bangag na naman ako.

i saw a couple a while ago. they're sharing breakfast with each other. then i thought, what's in it for them as well as for me? what's the worth of being slaves of a coward master called love? we are just pawns waiting to be sacrificed, waiting to be eaten by the cold daunting darkness. we are just puppets of a game. and it's always just a game.

here, i'm always at the losing end. i have to spend moments of torment thinking why the hell am i always the loser. just again, i wonder what's in it for me. i complain. i remain in pain. but i never cease to be the sacrifice. at my own will, i continue loving. and getting hurt in consequence.

so i'm just being bitter, am i not? the pain is actually the worth of it, the thought that i'm different from the rest because all i could do is look at the silhouette of that someone i love. he's far away from me. and i have to take all the heartaches to be worth someone for him. cause i'm already enslaved. i'm already in the game. i already have a pair. i just have to prove myself that i deserve him.

then i saw another couple a while ago, holding hands...

i know it's not getting better. i am not okay. i don't know if you are.

perhaps, i'm getting a little more indifferent about you. about us. i refuse to load credits on my cellphone because i'm not in the mood to talk to you. and well, i just realized that my phone doesn't serve any other purpose but to text you. anyway, i don't really know why i lost all the interest to stay in touch. i don't mean to seem unfeeling. i still care, but not like how i used to before. i still miss you, but not too much. worst, i'm not longing to be with you anymore. i was thinking that we're better off like this. we don't have the chemistry together. we just don't go well with each other. at least, that's what i think.

i'm beginning to doubt if i still love you. i'm sorry. i'm trying to escape the problem. i know it's my fault. i just can't deal with it yet. i'm not ignoring you. i can't. but i really need some space. to breathe. and i need some time. to think.