..every side and face..

creative writing

2010-03-07T03:09:00.000-08:00

Tips and tricks for beginners

Do some short exercises to stretch your writing muscles – if you’re short of ideas, read the Daily Writing Tips article on writing bursts. Many new creative writers find that doing the washing up or weeding the garden suddenly looks appealing, compared to the effort of sitting down and putting words onto the page. Force yourself to get through these early doubts, and it really will get easier. Try to get into the habit of writing every day, even if it’s just for ten minutes.
If you’re stuck for ideas, carry a notebook everywhere and write down your observations. You’ll get some great lines of dialogue by keeping your ears open on the bus or in cafes, and an unusual phrase may be prompted by something you see or smell.
Work out the time of day when you’re at your most creative. For many writers, this is first thing in the morning – before all the demands of the day jostle for attention. Others write well late at night, after the rest of the family have gone to bed. Don’t be afraid to experiment!
Don’t agonize over getting it right. All writers have to revise and edit their work – it’s rare that a story, scene or even a sentence comes out perfectly the first time. Once you’ve completed the initial draft, leave the piece for a few days – then come back to it fresh, with a red pen in hand. If you know there are problems with your story but can’t pinpoint them, ask a fellow writer to read through it and give feedback.
HAVE FUN! Sometimes, we writers can end up feeling that our writing is a chore, something that “must” be done, or something to procrastinate over for as long as possible. If your plot seems wildly far-fetched, your characters bore you to tears and you’re convinced that a five-year old with a crayon could write better prose … take a break. Start a completely new project, something which is purely for fun. Write a poem or a 60-word “mini saga”. Just completing a small finished piece can help if you’re bogged down in a longer story.

http://www.dailywritingtips.com/

sabaw lang...

2010-03-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

heto na naman tayo, nagkukwentuhan tungko lsa lagat ng bagay. inaantok ka na pero nagtityaga ka paring kausapin ako. hindi ko alam kung bakit laging sakto ang mga tawag mo. siguro, nasesense mong kailangan kita. lagi mo nalang akong napapatawa. ang bangag kasi nating mag-usap eh. parang tanga lang.

hayan ka na naman, nakikinig sa mga kwento kong paulit-ulit naman. alam kong nauumay ka na dahil puro lovelife ang kinukwento ko. palagi kasing iyon ang problema ko. pero di ka parin nagsasawang makinig sa mga himutok ng puso ko.

pag kasama kita, parang ang dali lang ng buhay. beer at kwentuhan lang ang katapat ng lahat ng problema. kung ikaw sana ang minahal ko, edi solve na ang lovelife ko. hindi ko na sana iniiyakan ngayon ang mabisyo kong boyfriend. ay teka, mabisyo ka nga din pala! haha!

anyway, kahit mabisyo ka, mas naiintindihan mo naman ako. lagi mong tinatanong kung okaii lang ako kasi alam mong hindi. tapos, lagi ka lang to the rescue sa emotera mong friend - ako syempre. hindi ko nga alam kung nahihirapan ka na sakin eh. ako na hindi na nawalan ng problema. ako na reklamador. ako na iyakin.

salamat kasi hanggang ngayon, nandyan ka parin. sana lang wag kang magsawang patawanin ako. sa panahong ito, ikaw ang closest friend ko. pag nawala ka pa, aba, mawawala ang kabangagan ko. haha!

tulad kanina, napahalkhak na naman ako dahil sa yo. lol. masaya na ako kahit papano. kahit badtrip na naman ako dahil sa boyfriend kong mabisyo. hay! pasensya ka na, bangag na naman ako.

what i saw is not my reality, it's theirs..

2009-08-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

i saw a couple a while ago. they're sharing breakfast with each other. then i thought, what's in it for them as well as for me? what's the worth of being slaves of a coward master called love? we are just pawns waiting to be sacrificed, waiting to be eaten by the cold daunting darkness. we are just puppets of a game. and it's always just a game.

here, i'm always at the losing end. i have to spend moments of torment thinking why the hell am i always the loser. just again, i wonder what's in it for me. i complain. i remain in pain. but i never cease to be the sacrifice. at my own will, i continue loving. and getting hurt in consequence.

so i'm just being bitter, am i not? the pain is actually the worth of it, the thought that i'm different from the rest because all i could do is look at the silhouette of that someone i love. he's far away from me. and i have to take all the heartaches to be worth someone for him. cause i'm already enslaved. i'm already in the game. i already have a pair. i just have to prove myself that i deserve him.

then i saw another couple a while ago, holding hands...

..the colors of my life..

2009-02-22T02:42:00.001-08:00

i've already traveled a long way in my life where i found a meaningful path full of lessons and colorful with experiences. now, when i look up, i see the blue sky which reminds me of the peacefulness and serenity of my journey. when i look back, i see the neon lights that make me remember the happiness and fun i experienced in the past. when i look around, i see the green pastures that tell me God is my shepherd who leads my way. when i look ahead, i see the white clouds signifying my unpredictable future. finally, when i look inside, i see the red blaze in my heart, the burning desire to learn, the flaming love i have for everyone special, and the everlasting love God has for me.

..again, a doubt about love

2009-02-21T05:06:00.000-08:00

i know it's not getting better. i am not okay. i don't know if you are.

perhaps, i'm getting a little more indifferent about you. about us. i refuse to load credits on my cellphone because i'm not in the mood to talk to you. and well, i just realized that my phone doesn't serve any other purpose but to text you. anyway, i don't really know why i lost all the interest to stay in touch. i don't mean to seem unfeeling. i still care, but not like how i used to before. i still miss you, but not too much. worst, i'm not longing to be with you anymore. i was thinking that we're better off like this. we don't have the chemistry together. we just don't go well with each other. at least, that's what i think.

i'm beginning to doubt if i still love you. i'm sorry. i'm trying to escape the problem. i know it's my fault. i just can't deal with it yet. i'm not ignoring you. i can't. but i really need some space. to breathe. and i need some time. to think.

desolation

2008-08-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

..an old woman sitting on her rocking chair looking blankly outside.
..a face with bloodshot eyes under the blackest of veils.
..a star seeing its fellows but never getting close to them.
..the sound of rain hitting the pavement.
..an old bony dog with his chains clattering as he walk.
..remnants of a once-beautiful and now-abandoned house.
..silence and darkness.
..a wrecked car.
..a man calling his family overseas.
..a woman in her thirties telling her mother, "can't you remember who i am?" her mother peacefully sat on the rocking chair, still looking blankly outside. when she looked at her child, she said, "sorry, who are you again?"

..i want a laptop..

2008-08-06T02:11:00.000-07:00

..uhh, i may be looking hysterical when i say this..

..but hey!!! i want a laptop!!! (with lots of exclamation points)
..whatever. i just badly want one.

..maybe it's part envy and part desperation. do i have to exaggerate on this? you basically know what i mean. well, i just want something to talk about. and laptop is the first thing that came in my badly-maintained mind.

..again, i want a laptop. or maybe a laugh top. something that makes me tumble over because of laughter. because now, all i know is i have a laugh tough. i can't laugh. no no no. i'm worrying about my acads. oh, do i make myself grade-conscious? are all grade-conscious people having a laugh tough? well, i want to make myself clear. i'm not grade-conscious. i'm just having a laugh tough because of tough nap. you know, when i worry about my acads, i can hardly sleep. and then, OH! a tough nap would eventually turn to a laugh cough. maybe it's because of the bad weather. it's not just a bad weather, really, but a crazy weather. it keeps changing and changing! imagine myself worrying about about my grades, (how am i gonna get a grade higher than 3 in Math 17?), and having a tough nap that results to a laugh cough. i'm pathetic. maybe i'm better if i can half laugh. or much better if i can laugh pop. if you guys don't know, laugh pop is something you do when you pop (or fart) of too much laughing. yeah, maybe a laugh fart! or whatever!

..all i want is a laptop. i want to have a laugh talk, too. or a lollipop. or something like a lamb chop. i dunno. now i know, i want so many things... (sighs!)

..maybe a laptop can bring me a laugh pop. or a laugh fart. maybe a laptop can ease my laugh tough. maybe...

..but now, i'm having all these. is it because i don't have a laptop to laugh at? or am i just being a big top laugh? (like the clowns and other fools). or maybe i'm cracking my head. i'm having a laptop crap. a laklak (that's when you drink beer in Filipino). a crack top.

..insanity.

tears of joy

2008-08-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

n0 0ne has ever held my hand like he did...

His hand was warm and tender
that i wished he would h0ld me forever..
It had a magical t0uch that i would never forget
and n0 0ne will ever have that hand,i bet...

His hand made me secure as he held me tight
and carefree 'cause it was s0 light..
it made me experience things bey0nd my imaginati0n
and made me feel things bey0nd typical em0ti0ns..

His hand s0othed me like an angel
and gently swung me in his cradle...
it was s0 sweet like his whispers-
"you're the 0nly 0ne that matters."

n0 0ne has ever held my hand like he did...

But,that was bef0re..
Bef0re he shut d d0or..
And wen he held me,his hand was warm n0 m0re...

His hand was c0Ld and sweaty
then said, "i love her,i'm s0rry"
his tears fell d0wn with glee
wen i said that i would set him free..

His hand gripped me s0 tight
but it remained c0Ld like the night..
wet like the falling rain
r0ugh like a rusty chain...

And the rainy night started to wash my happiness away
his tears 0f j0y wiped 0ut my cheerful day..
as i w0ke up leaving my very g0od dream,i knew
i must face d nightmare, d reality, and g0 through..

n0 0ne has ever held my hand like he did...

His hand that sent shivers d0wn my spine...
His hand that t0Ld me everything would be fine...
His hand that embraced me when i was afraid..
His hand that did everything so that my smile wouldn't fade...
I will miss his hand...
And i will surely miss him...
C0z he will never ever h0Ld my hand again...
Never...

23102007
1st draft...

..the real essence of happiness..

2008-08-03T05:13:00.000-07:00

..what do you think will make you happy? that's the ultimate question.. and well, there's no ultimate answer to that..

..i just remembered the essay exam my philo teacher gave us. it's about the real essence of happiness. and what is happiness, really? i can't answer that directly. i think nobody could.
..happiness is NOT pleasure or satisfaction. it's more than those things. it's not the feeling when one gets something he desires. it's not the feeling of winning the lottery or having sex. it's not what i thought it is. and the same goes with all of you. happiness is not a worldly occurrence. it's not seen by the naked eyes.

..seeing the reality will make one happy, but not fully. and what reality does he need to see? Violence, poverty, war, immorality, evil -- these are the things lurking around us. lots of questions need to be answered. we are never contented. how can we be happy? this is the reality. simply, one should understand the reality that he can never be fully happy. and once he accepted it and go on with his life -- the good acts and right way of living -- it will add up to his happiness. ironic, isn't it?

..but he needs to understand. although he can't comprehend it all. he should be aiming for the good end. heaven. with god. this is where he can be truly happy. well, nobody knows about the real face of heaven. but we know and believe that here is where genuine happiness is. that's why happiness encompasses everything -- achievement, love, contentment, and success. that's why we live to attain the good end.

..that's what life is all about. knowing one's purpose. being free thinking good men. remember the phrase, "the unexamined life is not worth living." now what can make you happy? nothing, really. death, maybe. but every good thing you do will be a bearing to the ultimate happiness you want to attain.

..the real essence of happiness is deep within our hearts, inscribed in our minds, and made visible through our actions.

dirty politics in our soiled country

2008-08-03T05:08:00.000-07:00

Seshari says:
“How dirty is politics in our country? Is it really unattainable to clean the mess and straight the mistakes of our political leaders?”

First of all, I am not generalizing our politicians. I still believe that there are those leaders who serve the country wholeheartedly and without bad ulterior motives. The country is progressing, yes, although rather slowly. Thanks to those with good hearts who cannot take the bad state of the nation, to those who act for the better, and to those who use their power in the right way.
But these good political leaders are not the topic here. I am speaking of those who keep repeating the same mistakes and taking huge advantage of their positions in the government to do unjustifiable things. It is very disappointing to hear over the news that some of the biggest political figures are questioned about their ill-gotten wealth. The never-ending problem on graft and corruption is still unsolved. Political dynasties are set all over the country. Intense rivalries among officials lead to assassinations and ambushes. Bribery and pay-offs are very common during elections. Impeachment complaints can be heard here and there. Extrajudicial killings are just like games of hide-and-seek for them. Justice and integrity are set aside for power and luxury. And to think that this is a Catholic country, it is very annoying that they are losing the sense of morality.

I am not saying that all the problems that the country faces are accountable to these politicians. But I know that one of the biggest topics nowadays is the political crisis. And what are they doing to prove that they are worthy of their positions? Sitting on their swiveling chairs all day and watching the poor begging for alms? Relaxing in their air-conditioned rooms while the laborers are thinking hard of how to get an extra income to feed their families? Working on those laws about taxes and other things they want to pass for their own benefits?

Now, that’s the real challenge for them. They should stop doing wicked things for the sake of the country and its people. They should be unattached to worldly things that make them greedy and sinful. They should realize that there are some things more important than material wealth, like honor and responsibility. Changes are really hard to do, but they should remember their oath to the whole country, their promises, the chances we give them, and the millions of people waiting for their sincere actions towards a better Philippines.

And for us, fellow citizens, we should also accept challenges. We should not grumble all day about the bad shape of our country. Rather, we should fight for our rights and take part in the development and progress of our nation. We should be wise enough to know the right step, the right decision, the right choice, and the right action. Complaining about irresponsible politicians will only make everything worse. So, instead of protesting along the roads, let us keep hoping and believing that there is good in every person, and in every politician. Like what we hear so many times, we must be united. And when someone asks what’s happening to our country, we will simply say, “It is becoming the Philippines that we, Filipinos, are dreaming of.”

..the bastard..

2008-07-24T01:45:00.002-07:00

..ang plastik ko... kinumusta ko pa sya. pero deep inside, sabi ko, "sana makarma ka."

..it was so unfair. i felt betrayed. but i know, partly, it's also my fault. i've been so trusting. i've been so dumb. and this is the consequence of my actions. bloody hell!!!

..pero ayun, unfair paren. ano'ng consequence ng actions nya? a beautiful and equally stupid girlfriend. does he deserve her? and vice versa? parehas silang nang-hurt ng feelings ng iba. and unfortunately, ako yung isa sa mga nasaktan. yun nga lang, late yung reaction ko kasi ngayon ko lang 'to nalaman.

..and worse, ngayon ko nga lang 'to nalaman. it was so... argghh! infuriating talaga. well, it's the story. the numb met the dumb. and they lived happily(?).. i dunno. it's THEIR story.

..and all this time, akala ko ganun lang talaga ang buhay. relationships are transitory. they all fade in time. but one thing i didn't know before: that there's this one factor that contributes to the fading of a relationship. that relationships don't fade without a reason. and in our case, her name is F... franchesca? fiona? farah? i forgot her name. and i don't care that i forgot. coz basically, i don't care about her name at all. not at all.

..but it's his name i care about. and because i care, i won't tell his name to you. i won't tell you how many times i've written his name at the back of my notebook whenever i get sucked up in oblivion. i won't tell you how many times my brother heard me calling his name in my sleep. i won't tell you how many fucking times i got emotionally driven by his nonsense phonecalls. i won't tell you how many times i went crying crazily, dramatically, unnaturally, and weirdly enough for my friends to call me "insane over him."

..yet, after all of the drama of being heartbroken, and after i've finally moved on, those bitchy words came right in front of me, blazing in my monitor, screaming at me. fuck this!

..he's a total charmer. and rhyming with it, he's a two-timer. that's cool. much much cool. he has always known that he can get away with his good looks. and yeah, he got away with it. and i felt so fucked up!

..at kamusta naman yun? i don't know if he knows that i already knew what he did. i don't know if he knows that i'm so fucking mad at him. well, probably, he doesn't know. he doesn't know about anything i'm saying right now. he doesn't know and he doesn't care. ouch!

..i wish i wouldn't care too. i wish i wouldn't care so much.
..but as of now, i know wishes are only wishes and nothing more.

..hell, it's hell.

..picture perfect..

2008-07-24T01:45:00.001-07:00

..it was perfect..
..a stolen shot from afar. he was smiling. eyes glinting.
..then he saw me. i turned to leave. but my feet were rooted on the soft ground.
..no other escape. no alibis. nothing.
..he was walking towards me.
..but then, just like a savior, waking me up from a trance, my friend called.
..and he stopped inches away from me.
..i finally walked away. thanking my friend. but cursing myself.
..he was so close. it should have been perfect.
..but i dumped the thought.

..he was saying something i can't understand. i kept walking. he was shouting.
..his voice getting more inaudible in every step.
..i reached the bench. slumped there. ended the call.
..that's when i realized, i've been so stupid not to notice it before.
..i dropped my camera.
..it was now on the hands of the guy with that picture perfect smile.

..something different..

2008-07-24T01:44:00.000-07:00

..i wanna write something different..
..different from the hectic schedule i always blab about..
..different from the fact that i'm missing my family in bulacan..
..different from the feeling of longing for my super special friends..
..different from talking about my special someone..

..i think..
..if i write something different,
that would be about "nothing"..

irregular routine... (is there such a phrase like that?)

2007-10-22T03:08:00.001-07:00

Seshari says:

“Every day is just the same as it seems. But I know it makes a difference deep within.”

As someone living on earth, I feel bored with my life. Each day, I wake up as early as 5am to prepare for school. Then, I scold my brother for being so slow and we exchange loud remarks just to satisfy our egos. I always try to say goodbye to my parents but my dad is still sleeping when we leave and mom goes back to sleep after grooming us up. When we ride the tricycle to go to school, I attempt to reconcile with my brother or say sorry for my impatience, but nothing happens. I end up spending the ten minutes wondering what life has in store for me. Realizing that life is just the same, I shake my head and smile to myself.

As soon as I get off the tricycle, I walk fast-paced though I know I’m still early. When I enter our classroom, I find only two or three of my classmates there and we spend the rest of the fifteen minutes chatting with each other. Eight hours at school passes by so quickly. I sit on my chair listening to every teacher, sometimes trying hard to keep myself awake. After class hours, I go home tired and stressed. I try to greet my parents, but when I see their crossed eyebrows for some reasons, I go straight to my room and stay there until dinner. Before I go to sleep, I realize that nothing new happens to me.

I feel like I’m an empty person, moving like a robot, finishing task after task, going from home to school and back home. I fail to connect with the people around me. I live my life by routine. Life for me is just like a video that keeps playing and rewinding and playing again.

I know I can’t be like this forever. There is more to life than sunrise and sunset. I should make the most out of each day. When I’ve planned what to do the next day, I sleep. But as I wake up, everything’s just the same again.

Many of the students also feel this way. It’s like everyday is a copy of yesterday. And worse, it’s all black and white. But, have you ever thought of the simple achievements that make life extraordinary? The short moments that make you laugh until you cry? And the remarkable things that are worth reminiscing? Then life’s not boring at all!

Remember, you manage your own life. Everything is up to you. You are given different choices and all you have to do is decide and choose. Every day, the sun rises to give you the opportunity to live life well. It also rises to let you be the person you want to be. Then one day, it won’t rise anymore. When that day comes, will you be glad with what your life has become? Or will you ask for another chance to live?

As we are on our way to school, my brother taps me on the back. I look at him questioningly. Then, he says sorry for his misbehavior at home. I take a deep breath and smile at him. I know every day is exceptional, not just usual…

confessions of a Happy-go-lucky Girl

2007-10-22T03:02:00.000-07:00

“I always take chances and don’t take things slowly but surely. Rather, I do things in a fast and easy way.”

I always call myself a happy-go-lucky girl. Happiness is all that matters to me when you happen to see me. I laugh a lot. I like going to parties, especially slumber parties. I like ice creams, cakes, and chocolates. I like going to the beach although I’m not good at swimming. I love having fun. I love playing volleyball with my pals, badminton with whoever has a racket, table tennis whenever there’s a table for it, and pool, or sometimes, billiards. Music makes me happy, too. I like listening to them. I enjoy playing the guitar… I always admire nature. I like having short walks along the road and seeing the beauty of the surroundings that gives me fresh air… Anime is great!! Watching them makes my day complete. Oh, and a picnic with friends is also delightful, and sharing happy moments with them makes me simply be me.

Since I’m a happy-go-lucky delinquent juvenile, I’m into adventures. I’m a risk-taker, a messy-planner, and a troublemaker. Well, for the “messy-planner” part, I mean I like planning things but most of these plans aren’t usually successful, unfortunately. All I can say is “At least I gave it a try”. I make decisions quickly, maybe because I jump into conclusion. When I make a choice, it’s hard for me to turn back. I’m a positive-thinker most of the time. I look at things in a bright perspective, sometimes so bright that it blinds me to see the shadows behind. Sometimes, I don’t see the implications some things can do because I’m so positive about life. “Realization and regrets are always at the end,” as a saying goes. These things aren’t that good for me, so in the long run, we all assume that I’ll be a loser with this happy-go-lucky character.

As for that, let my zodiac do the talking. I’m an aries, born winner. Many times in my life, I win when I least expected to. I win, not always, but often. Actually, I don’t believe in what zodiac signs say or do with out lives. When people say that zodiacs are really associated with our being, I can think of a hundred reasons to protest. But for the sake of this essay, and for the honor of a great friend who really believes in these damn things, I’ll continue. All right, aries is a fighter, so am I. I fight for my beliefs, for my good, and for the sake of my loved ones. I fight physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I’m an initiator. I initiate on many things, good or bad, smart or whacky, funny or serious. And I, like an aries, is short-tempered and hardheaded at times.

And so I end up having problems. Hell, this happy-go-lucky girl also has a lot of problems! Financial problems… nah, I can get along without money. I’m not into material things. But we can’t live in this world without money. So, in the end, I still have to consider that as a problem. Personality… sometimes, I’m not contented and happy with who I really am. Everyone is a unique individual. Yeah, that’s true. But, am I as unique as the others? Sometimes, I’m afraid to trust others, mainly because I don’t trust myself either. I always play “If I were on someone’s shoes” and can’t help but admire others’ lives and cursing mine. I wanna be proud of myself. That’s all. Friendship problems… Opening up to my friends is not as easy as I thought it could be. I always try to tell them my deepest secrets and hardest problems but my pride overwhelms me. I wanna tell them my innermost feelings and my sincere gratitude but something inside me fights back to hide my real feelings. I end up closing myself a little more and staying in that little shell that covers my true identity. Revealing any feeling will only make me weak, said that voice within me.

Yeah, I want to look strong. I always pretend that I’m OK. I always say that I can solve my problems without anybody’s help. I always tell myself that I shouldn’t be afraid of what may happen to me. And for that, I’m the biggest fraud in life. Everyone just knows who I am in the surface. They know what are my faves, hobbies, and interests but they don’t know what I’ve been going through in the inside. I’m surrounded by people I can fool by my lies and deceptions. I’m an unpredictable person. If I show them that I’m suffering, they would think that I’m weak, which I don’t wanna happen. If I ask for help, they would laugh at me. I don’t wanna hurt my pride. I’ll just enjoy life, win every battle, and be strong. With these veils of deceit, I am sure that being a happy-go-lucky girl is just a charade.

I always put a brave front. But deep inside, I’m shaking with fear. Everybody knows me as the intelligent, funny, girl-next-door type of person. But nobody knows that I’m just a great actress tricking everyone’s eyes. I really am not strong. When no one sees me, I just sit at the corner and cry. I unleash my true self when I’m alone… the real me. I’m just the usual sort, perhaps less than ordinary. The emotions I hide when I’m with everybody emerge in my room, as painful as they can possibly be. My room is always flooded with anger, fear, hatred, disbelief, and every negative thought and feeling. The bright side of my world vanishes and I face the dim and dark truth. I always cry. I have to. If not, I’m afraid my heart will be overloaded and will soon blow up. It’s the hardest part of my living, when conscience wakes up and haunts me until I curl my body in fear. The human mind I more complicated than we could think it is. Our feelings are more difficult to understand than we could imagine.

Here I am, the happy-go-lucky girl--- sad, worn-out, weak, and tired. I’m always visited by my ghostly past and I can’t stop worrying if there’s a good future waiting for me. I’m bare and vulnerable. I have a hollow inside wanting to be filled with love and happiness and care. [ I told you, I don’t believe in that stupid zodiac. ]

The sadness I feel gives way to the emotional me. When I’m alone and lonely, I make poems that express my feelings, at least half of my feelings if not all. I also compose songs that always run out of tune before I could finish them. I also imagine things, great things that lead to stories I create. But unfortunately, I get lazy before I finish those stories. I have lots of ideas on my mind. I think I can be creative at times, but I’m not patient and hardworking, so it has no use. When I’m depressed I watch movies. When everything fails to lighten the burdens I carry, I just go to bed and sleep, wishing that every heartache and pain will go away by the time I wake up. But every time I sleep, nightmares find their way to disturb my dreamland and force me to face the real world where my problems still lie.

Each day will just begin and end quickly, but not as blurred and vague as I pray it to be. I just don’t want to remember anything or anyone that can add to the pains I feel. But as I ponder over, I realize that I’m the one who causes the greatest misery in my own life.

This essay reveals barely an inch of me. You still have to run a thousand miles to know who I really am. I bet no one can certainly understand the real me, and no one ever will.

magic pillows

2007-08-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

do you believe that an ordinary pillow lying on your bed has extraordinary powers?.. well, i do!! i've just proven it.. wanna read my story? (like you care about my story anyway.) but maybe, you'll have plenty of time in reading this..

one night, i had a really big problem.. and i didn't know how to solve it. maybe i thought of solutions but my mind was just wandering around.. it couldn't work properly so i just wanted to give up. i wanted to sleep but i couldn't.. i was frightened and i thought i got an insomnia.. haha! lol.. i had a headache, and a toothache, my eyes were burning, and then my whole body ached!! "i couldn't believe this was happening," i said. then, i saw that my pillows are gone! my soft and lovely pillows... where did they go? i went to my mother's room.. not in there. and i when i went to my father's room, my pillows were there! oh, and i felt the "yes-finally-i-found-what-i've-been-looking-for" feeling. it's like i found a long-lost friend, or a sister gone for a long time. maybe after that, i realized that i really need a pillow to live. haha! as i lied on my bed, i felt peace.. i started thanking my pillows 'cause i know they were comforting me. the feeling was just so soothing, relaxing, and taking the stress out of me. (never tell me that i'm overacting, ok?) then i fell into a good sleep. when i woke up the other morning, the pains were gone. i thought of my really big problem and found a solution right ahead.. i realized that it was not a really big problem after all!

not only that.. my pillows help me in many ways! they become my companions in times of trouble. i can bury my face on them when i cry. i can hug them when i'm scared and when i feel all alone. i can say my problems and secrets to them and make sure that they won't tell my secrets to anybody. i play with them. they put me to sleep. and when a long day is over, i just want to be with them. it's how they work! magical and fantastic..

i just want you to know the significance of pillows in your life. maybe, you just ignore them after you wake up. you just leave them there, never thanking them for a wonderful goodnight sleep! but then, they're just there, waiting for you, never getting tired to serve you, willing to listen..

away-bata

2007-08-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

nandito na naman ako.. magkukwento ulit ng tungkol sa buhay ko. dati, masaya ako pag meron akong bagong ipo-post sa blog na 'to. pero ngayon, ewan ko ba! haha! hindi naman kasi masaya yung nangyari.. hay! ano ba, gigay? common sense naman..

actually, wala ako sa mood magkwento ngayon. hehe! pero inisip ko, baka sakaling mabasa nya 'to..so, go on. i'm taking the risk. sige, ayos lang na mabasa nyo..

i and someone got a problem.. misunderstanding lang naman yun eh! pero it struck me kasi this is the first time that we fight over something. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pa yata yung mas guilty although i'm saying over a hundred times that i'm not the one to blame. i know it's just a simple problem that can be solved in a peaceful conversation. pero paano? we just talk over the phone and through text.. i don't think it's wise to make up over that stupid kind of communication. hindi ko alam kung kelan kami magkikita.. at kung paano kami magkakabati. it's scaring me. do i have to make the first move? but it's not my fault anyway.. i'm now torn up between my two sides fighting all the way through. for now, i can't do something. pero i know, maaayos din ang lahat..hay!

naalala ko tuloy yung childhood days ko. lagi kaming nag-aaway nung mga kalaro ko nun. minsan, nagkasabunutan pa kami ng bestfriend ko nang dahil lang sa chinese garter.. hehe! "wala..madaya ka.. sabi ko, walang kaling hanggang hips. dapat out ka na!" sabi ko na may pagka-bossy pa nun. sabi naman ng bestfriend ko, "kelan mo yun sinabi? gusto mo lang makatira kagad eh! ikaw nga dyan yung madaya." ayun, nagkagalit-galit kami.. pero after an hour lang, bati na ulit kami. tapos, naalala ko pa yung time na nagpicnic kami ng mga ka-tropa ko. sumama samin yung isang bata na sobrang takaw.. tapos, ang ginawa ko, hindi ko sya pinakain ng mga snacks namin. ayun, umiyak sya. then, after some time, naawa naman ako. kaya nagkabati narin kami. meron pa! nung naglalaro naman kami ng taguang-tsinelas, napagtripan kong kunin yung tsinelas ng kalaro ko tapos nilagay ko sa basurahan para hindi makita. inabot na sya ng gabi sa paghahanap nun.. binigay ko rin naman tsaka samin ko na sya pinakain kasi napagod sya ng husto..

ganyan mag-away ang mga bata. away-bati, away-bati. nagtutuksuhan, nag-iirapan, kampi-kampihan.. pero sa huli, sila parin ang magkakaibigan. yan ang mga bata eh! madaling magpatawad.. madaling makalimot.. madaling makipag-ayos at madaling makipagbati.

sana ganyan nalang din kami mag-away noh? yung sandali lang, ayos na ang lahat.. yung wala nang aalalahanin at iintindihin.. yung wala nang iisiping problema. alam ko namang hindi na kami bata eh.. hay naku!!

sana lang maayos na 'to,

how to move on?!!

2007-08-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

whenever i see couples walking down the street
can't help myself but curse at my seat
i always say it's your fault by the way
then i start to blame you and it goes on all day

whenever i hear our favorite song on the radio
or see someone strum the guitar or play the piano
outrage is shaking myself inside
from all the pains, i know i cannot hide

whenever i feel raindrops falling down my face
i begin to cry, just stand there in place
many times, i mourn, and sob, then sigh
can't forget you, no matter how hard i try

'cause it always seems that everything i see
reminds me of you, i cannot flee
and brings me back just another step closer
to this relationship that i wanted to be over

>>> this poem is for my friend who is suffering from a heartbreak just recently... i know it's hard for you. but time heals every wound.. you'll see, it won't even leave a mark... cheer up gal... ^^

>>> for those affected by this poem, move on!!! if you don't know how, ask me... LOLZ!